ONE MAN'S TRASH

abandoned skate ~ David F. Gallagher

zoe: i have something I've wanted to send you for a really long time... is the swiss address still good?
Zed: Nope...it's moved
Zed: no sending...I think Im still too spooked for such deliveries
zoe: hm... 'too spooked'... how tragic and boring
zoe: but, k
zoe: and, you silly boy... it is only music, and you are foolish, because it is excellent... but da... whatever you wish...
*long pause while I do other things and begin to ruminate*
zoe: all right, now really... i get that this 'scares you'... this out-pouring you provoke in me, and I'm sorry, wish I could not make you uncomfortable and all, it certainly is NOT my goal, but ...
ARE YOU SERIOUS????
jesus christ you are so completely NOT the person I thought you were!
what exactly "spooked" you? That I believed everything you said to me? That I was NOT pretending or holding back? I mean, nobody but you and I know what went on between us... (well actually... nobody but YOU as it turns out...) which is why I brushed aside people's comments so easily.... they didn't understand you as I did...
what a silly fool i have been...
to think you were so strong and amazing... when really you were only 'spooked'...
how extremely disappointing...
boo
boo
*another long pause as I go off and fume*
zoe: ...it's like... it's like (and yeah , I realize you are cringing already... oj oj...) here I was thinking you were this amazing artist... this 'Dali' who had the power to change the world through his sheer will... and bravery... and talent...
and in fact... you were really just... a ... just a... man... i dunno... like a litterbug or something... who happpened to throw something on the pavement I thought was a work of art...

and so I swear... I am not going to go far down this path...
actually... this path has ended...
so i shall not be going far at all...
I discovered that he was GONE... that I have been dancing alone this whole time!
It was only ever me!
and this chapter of my life is closed.
...it was only ever me!...
how amazing!! and thrilling!! I created him! I took what I needed not from him, but from MYSELF!!
It's kinda shitty, because I had conjured up this thrilling artist... this incredible connection...
a soulmate.
He is not that.
I do not mean to belittle his role in my llife... nor the passion of the love I truly felt... however, I see clearly now... it was all so silly of me... he is no artist.
I AM the one who understood the Golden Rule, and I still do, as he spits words like ammo... like protection... carelessly, recklessly, without thought or care to their result...
i feel pity.
And strength.
I will have the art show, he will read about it in the NY Times.

...also... who the fuck sends SIX RED ROSES to a girl's MOTHER???
(yeah, who sends ROSES to a girl's mother... i know i know... but after you get over THAT, try to swallow SIX???)

and now, gaily forward!